I am at the end of day one and over all it went pretty well. I was able to resist the amazing yet mayonnaise laden chicken salad at work this morning, along with the homemade peanut butter cup s’mores bars everyone was raving about. I was perfectly fine with my salad and veggie snack because I knew that I was taking care of myself the way that God wants me to. After work I headed straight to the gym where I met a friend and he mom to work out. They were on the treadmill so I hopped up along side them and did 25 minutes of walking at a 3.3 or 3.5 speed – I even felt compelled to jog for awhile, so I increased the speed to 4.8 and jogged for a few minutes and it felt great. After I was done there I moved onto the elliptical and did 12 minutes on there, decided to get off when my toes fell asleep. When I was done with my workout I was very sweaty and was proud of what I had accomplished. And my friend’s mom said, you do good, seediness I’m going to be at your level. I cannot tell you how amazing it felt to have someone say that to me! I have had so many people that I have looked at and wished that I could be where they were, and I know they helped me get to where I am. So if I can do that for someone else, that would be amazing!
On my way home I stopped at Sprouts to get ingredients for a couple of Pinterest recipes that I wanted to try No Bake Energy Balls and Apple Nachos. (The energy balls are really good, although I have not rolled them out yet and I skipped the nachos tonight). One of my old habits is that when I would go to Sprouts I would always get some dark chocolate covered almonds as a “reward” for going shopping. Errrrrrrr (insert buzzer sound here) food is not a reward! Anyway, you know the saying old habits are hard to break right? Well I practically went for the almonds without really thinking about it. In my head I always say, “I’m just going to get a couple”- they are in the bulk section and you have total control over how many you get. But then when I actually get to dispensing the almonds I think, “Well I can’t just get like 3, what will the cashier think?” Isn’t this America? I mean technically people fight for my freedom to only buy 3 chocolate covered almonds on a daily basis. So I need to stop worrying about what others, especially a cashier at Sprouts I will likely never see again, think of me. The other part of my old habit is to eat them in the car on the way home. And of course tell myself, “I’ll just have a couple.” Come on, who are we kidding? A bag of chocolate covered almonds sitting on the passengers side is just begging to be polished off! Disclaimer: I want to make it clear that I did not have gaggles of almonds, we are talking like 30ish – but definitely more than the 3 I told myself I would eat. I was almost to the house I am staying at and the almonds were almost gone and I kept thinking, I should really stop eating these. One part of me even said, “Hey, why don’t you pray for God to help you and give you the strength to stop. Which in and of itself is a small victory because I don’t ever remember having that conscious thought. But I didn’t pray because another part of me didn’t want to stop. I’m not sure why, I mean yes they tasted good and it might just be my sugar addiction kicked in, but something in me decided to keep on going. After I was done with the bag, I’ll admit that I didn’t feel that great. Of course I have not felt great after eating things before, but I always seem to get amnesia and forget about the feeling the next time I want to eat something. So I am praying that I don’t have amnesia this time and that I remember the difference that I felt.
I read an article about intuitive eating in Eating Well magazine tonight. I am 99.9999% confident that I am NOT an intuitive eater but I want to be. The woman who wrote the article talked about not having “banned foods” or “good and bad” foods. But to listen to your body, eat when you are hungry (not for emotional reasons), stop when you are full, and try and focus on overall health. So in light of that article I am not going to beat myself up over eating the almonds. Instead I am going to reflect on why I ate them, was I hungry, was I bored, was it just an old habit, how did I feel after I ate them, etc. I don’t want to have a messed up relationship with food anymore. I want to eat to live an not live to eat. But when I do eat too much of something and not enough of something else, I don’t want to hate myself or beat myself up. I just want to think about it, learn from it and apply what I have learned in the future. So my prayer for the night is for me not to have “food amnesia” and forget all of these valuable lessons I am learning. Hey…maybe food comas are a real thing, that would explain everything…